Trust is one of the most common words in the English language. Although we usually associate it with personal relationships, trust and betrayal are important elements in our professional, as well as in our personal lives.

According to the 2017 Gallup State of the Workplace Report, the lack of trust in the workplace contributes to active disengagement by employees and interferes with the ability of an organization to build a loyal customer base. Companies that have employees who are engaged in their work are 147% more profitable. The bottom line is that lack of trust costs companies a lot of money.

So how can we do better in matters of trust and betrayal? In order to cultivate trust and to know what to do to repair injuries of betrayal it is important to understand what trust really is and why we break it in the first place.

The most practical definition of trust I have come across comes from Dr. Brene Brown, grounded theory researcher and bestselling author of four #1 New York Times best sellers, including Daring Greatly and The Gifts of Imperfection.

I am particularly fond of social science grounded-theory research because it involves the construction of theory through methodical gathering and analysis of data. This is in contrast to developing theory by starting off with a hypothesis and trying to find out if the data will support it or not.

Dr. Brown has given us an amazing, measurable framework that demystifies how we can build trust in practical ways in our personal and professional relationships.

She defines trust as “choosing to make something important to you vulnerable to the actions of someone else.”

She uses the acronym B.R.A.V.I.N.G. to outline the behaviors you and I can do every day to get closer to mastery and away from disaster when it comes to trust. Here is her outline.

B is for Boundaries. We cannot cultivate trust unless we are clear about boundaries and respect one another’s boundaries.

R is Reliability. In this information-overloaded age we are living in, it is hard to keep up with life’s demands. However, if we care to build trust with people, we need to be able to do what we say we are going to do, over and over and over again. If we have a hard time doing that, then we can practice becoming better at saying no to additional demands.

A is for Accountability. We cannot build trust or repair past injuries if we don’t own our mistakes, be accountable for them, and apologize for them.

V is for Vault. We cannot cultivate trust with anybody if we don’t treat others with respect by honoring what they have shared with us. When we do not keep confidentiality as an integral part of the parameters of a relationship, that in and of itself is a corrosive form of betrayal that is very hard to recover from. Even when you share with me something about someone else (aka gossiping), you still disrupt my ability to trust you!

I is for Integrity. We cannot build trust if our actions do not align with our values. We cannot lie about somebody because we are upset with them and then profess that honesty is the cornerstone of our business.

N is for Non-judgment. We cannot trust one another when we come from a place of judgment. It takes courage to ask for help and expose our vulnerability. Judging someone for having the courage to be real with us can pose a significant obstacle to building trust. We need to do better at honoring the courage to be real, and it starts by us doing better in asking for help and not judging ourselves for that.

G is for Generosity. We cannot build trust if we don’t cultivate a model of being with others that leaves some room for mistakes, that does not assume the worst about one another, and that gives each other the benefit of the doubt. If we are all brave in bringing up what is not working and are ready to be accountable for our mistakes, then we can easily recover from betrayals and enjoy positive and wholesome relationships.

When we have so much evidence about the importance of trust in relationships and the great impact it has on the health of individuals and organizations, why would any of us break it?

Research has linked many unhealthy human behaviors to structural changes in our brain that occur as a result of negative early-life experiences. This altered brain structure makes it more difficult for us as adults to process internal negative emotions without perceiving them unconsciously as threats to our survival. This results in our trouble with not being accountable, not having or respecting boundaries, and not holding confidentiality.

We can see this not only at the theoretical level from behavioral science, but also through FMRI imaging techniques that reveal structural differences between people that were raised with positive versus adverse childhood experiences.

When we experience the pain of rejection, (for example, when a client wants to cancel their contract with us) having the ability to process and express our emotions in a healthy way hinges upon our ability to regulate the temporary discomfort we are feeling and not perceive it as a major cue for danger. When we allow an event like the loss of a client to be interpreted as a danger cue, we activate our stress response, which draws our metabolic energy away from our amazing thinking brain to the less evolved parts of our brain.

Losing access to the executive functioning part of our brain means we may slip and slide into the realm of behaving with others in ways that lead to distrust and betrayal.

However, we can train our brain to work with us and not against us by using everyday, simple practices that allow us to improve our ability to make intelligent use of our emotions.

As abstract as this concept may seem, it starts with the single act of being accountable, if and when, we temporarily lose access to our best self and engage in behaviors that are not healthy. I have created five questions to use to easily turn your executive brain back on when stress has overwhelmed it so you can return to being your best self. You can access these questions when you join my online community.http://bit.ly/JoinMyndZen

Although we may have to call upon our self-compassion in regard to having a brain that is more prone to seeing danger where it does not exist because of our past experiences, we have the power to change any part of our life that is not working for us as long as we focus on what we can control. This includes the power to reshape our brain to help us build more trust at work and at home!