Category: The positive perspective

The reality we come to accept as our life is made up of several elements. Some are perceived as good, some bad, and some neutral.

What we don’t realize is that the way we perceive life situations through our five senses actually sculpts our brain which is the ultimate master of our body.
This is a simplified view of a complex process known as neuroplasticity, which is the ability of our brain to re-organize itself— chemically, physically, and structurally— in order for us to change the way our body and ourselves respond to life situations.

The use of imaging techniques in the field of neuroscience has lent us much knowledge on the way our brain behaves in the face of negative and positive experiences. We now know that when we focus on the negative aspects of an experience, our brain engages our resources to confront a threat. For example, a tiger is approaching. This in turn draws all of our metabolic energy from the executive function part of our brain and from our vital functions and processes, and directs that energy to our large muscle groups. Now we can run from the tiger. But this energy shift places us in a temporary state of cognitive and emotional impairment.

On the contrary, when we focus on positive aspects of any experience, we operate from the space of a balanced nervous system, which has been proven to provide many benefits. We feel better, find more creative solutions to problems, experience less cardiovascular diseases, improve our immune function, and reduce anxiety, depression and overall symptoms of stress.

Our brain evolved with a strong negative bias that has kept us alive and ahead of the tigers for millions of years. Now, that negative bias is more harmful than helpful.

What can we do, little by little, to change the neural pathways of our brain, so that we can use it to tap into our most valuable resources and experience life from our best self?

Do You Have a Good Relationship With Stress?

In the midst of this crazy world we live in, fueled with uncomfortable phenomena, one thing that will never discriminate against us, regardless of our race, sex, or socio-economic status is—stress!

Stress has been described as the epidemic of the century. Prominent scientists around the world have provided us with over five decades of evidence that links stress to more than 90% of today’s disease, regardless of the color of our skin or any other of our unique characteristics.

I have had a tumultuous relationship with stress because I did not make friends with it. I am now living with some significant consequences. I have developed a musculoskeletal condition that graces me with chronic pain and restricts my activities to a great degree. Furthermore, my brain has been sculpted to be over-sensitive to stressors. This means that my amygdala (our nervous system’s alarm system responsible for identifying threats) is probably enlarged and my hippocampus (mainly associated with memory, among other critical functions) has probably experienced some shrinkage. So, you can say that finding a solution to the problematic consequences of not having a good relationship with stress has been a big deal for me.

During my diligent study and experimentation to improve my relationship with stress I came across a bewildering realization:

The dire ramifications of stress are not because stress is such a great villain, but because we don’t fully realize just how much power we have to choose how we relate to stressors and to the critical players involved with our stress response! Could it be that our “untamed” power leads us to the troublesome stress symptoms we experience?

What if we use our power to “befriend” stress?

On first thought, you may think the idea of “befriending stress” is a conundrum. The truth is, we all know how to do it. We go through the process of making friends pretty much every day in life.

In fact, making friends involves a simple two-step process:

  1. We get to know someone better.
  2. We establish safety and trust.

What if we followed the same process to improve our relationship with stress?

This week I want to talk about Step One: Getting to know stress better.

  1. What is stress?

Stress is the pressure we feel when our body goes off-balance (homeostasis) to respond to an environmental demand. In small quantities, stress is not necessarily bad as it motivates us to stretch ourselves to meet life’s demands. Imagine if you were an Olympian training to run for a gold medal. Some stress might be helpful to motivate you. Every day, we are all Olympians having to deal with situations that take us off homeostasis, which is our optimal, internal balance of essential bodily functions like temperature and heart rate. Next time you feel the subtle signs that your stress response is activated (for example, if you notice your heart rate has increased) give yourself sixty seconds to assess if the situation at hand is worthy of the activation of your stress response or not.

2. Is the reason for your stress a truth or a story?

What we don’t realize is that most of the time what triggers our stress response is the subtle, momentary interpretation we give to life situations and not the life situations themselves. For example, public speaking in and of itself does not actually pose any significant threat or danger to an organism. However, the thought of possibly forgetting our words and feeling embarrassed has the power to trigger our stress response, which we can immediately feel by the increase in our heart ratem just the same as if we had encountered a shark while swimming in the ocean. What if we shift our attention to simply recognizing how amazing it is that we are just as powerful as a shark or a bear in activating our fight or flight response, instead of allowing the power of our mind to take us off-balance?

 3. Too much of a good thing can be bad.

There are situations that warrant the appropriate elicitation of our stress response. Maybe we are in a car accident and we have to rush to provide aid for ourselves and our loved ones. A temporary, and infrequent, activation of our stress response with ample time to rest and digest what has happened in-between does not lead to health issues. However, we are now estimated to elicit our stress response over ten times a day. We are over-estimating threats and placing our bodies under a tremendous amount of unnecessary strain that does have significant short and long-term health consequences. What if we acknowledge how efficient we are at identifying threats, but shoot for eliminating one unnecessary stress response activation per week?

 4. Balance and optimal performance go hand in hand.

When we identify a situation as a threat, our thoughts and words trigger our brain to engage multiple systems in our body to address the threat. This diminishes the effectiveness of critical structures in our brain, for example, those that govern thinking; and shuts down other essential functions of our body, for example, our immune and digestive systems. In other words, when we operate under our stress response, our power is momentarily diminished and we enter a state of temporary impairment. Additionally, when we are in this defensive mode we cannot learn as well. What if we use the old advice to “pause and take ten breaths,” and then reconsider if we want to label a situation a threat, considering how powerful our thoughts and words are?

5. There are significant consequences to chronic stress.

When we allow our body systems to be used too often to address imaginary fears, like public humiliation, we are essentially exhausting our body systems by asking them to work overtime. Allostasis is the process that our body uses to regain homeostasis after it has been taken off-balance by a stressor. The total sum of all the things our body has to do to get back to its balanced state is called allostatic load. When our allostatic load is greater than our ability to recover, we enter the overload-level of allostatic load, and significant damage to organs and functions can occur. What if we consciously infuse breaks of calm in between jumping through hoops of stress as a means of boosting our resilience to life’s demands? Even sneaking out to the garden to water the plans, or creating a five minute space at work to listen to a guided meditation could be enough to restore balance in our nervous system.

We seem to frequently judge ourselves for our shortcomings, but we do not acknowledge how powerful we can be in creating not just our reality, but also our health and well-being. Although life’s demands are endless and many of them are outside of our control, what is actually within our control is working on building the resources that help us bounce back when something pushes us off-balance.

We are all drawn to rewarding experiences, and we strive to be happy. Reinstating an internal sense of safety and security is one of the most sustainable forms of happiness.

We know how to install a security system in our home to help us feel safe, but do we know how to reinstate a sense of safety in our neurobiology to improve our relationship with stress?

Join me next week for the second part of ways to improve our relationship with stress—how to establish safety and trust with stress and our nervous systems.

We cannot eliminate the sheer volume of stressors, but we can improve our relationship with our body systems and our stress response as a powerful way to live happier, healthier, and more productive lives.

21 Guideposts to Being Grateful

We didn’t celebrate Thanksgiving in Greece, where I grew up, but I have come to really like this American holiday.

For starters, I like roast turkey, mashed potatoes, and cranberry relish, but mostly I like Thanksgiving because it is officially the day when we are invited to practice gratitude.

Gratitude is a powerful human emotion. We can choose how to respond to life and make conscious choices about where to invest our attention. I recommend choosing gratitude.

Not that long ago I used to roll my eyes when anyone mentioned the myriad benefits of a gratitude practice. Not only was I a scientist through and through, but I also lived by the philosophy, “no pain, no gain.”

But as it turns out, I was wrong!

Ample scientific evidence exists that clearly proves that the choice to place our attention on elements we are grateful for can lead to more happiness, physical health, and meaningful and satisfying relationships.

It takes twenty-one days to form a habit. I invite you to use the following twenty-one guideposts, as thoughts to start your day. You can also use them as your chosen focal point to redirect your attention to, every time something happens in your day that takes you off-balance.

We have no control over much in life, like the economy or our obnoxious work colleague.

On the other hand, we have complete control over what we choose to put our attention on. Focusing on positive things we are grateful for has a tremendous impact on our happiness, health, and performance.

So, let’s begin!

Day 1: What do you love about yourself today? I invite you to view yourself as the amazing human being that you truly are, free of concerns about your abilities, your age, your body shape or size. Instead, consider how many challenges you have already overcome, how much adversity you have endured, and in how many ways you have positively impacted the world we live in throughout the course of your life.

Day 2: Celebrate what a scientific marvel you are. If you are wondering how a certain part of your anatomy looks in a specific type of outfit, I invite you to shift your attention to the fact that in every second you are alive your brain orchestrates six trillion actions using the 100 trillion cells of your body to keep you in perfect balance. That realization should put any concerns about size and parts of your anatomy into perspective!

Day 3: Take a few moments to appreciate your heart. Consider that no matter how many times your heart is broken over the course of your life, it will continue to beat over 100,000 times per day sending blood to 60,000 miles of blood vessels!

Day 4: Take a few moments to appreciate one aspect of yourself that you usually do not like. Challenging parts of ourselves are a little bit like a bratty child that acts up when ignored. By embracing a negative part of ourselves, for example, our inner critic, we make friends with it and then we can work together toward our purpose.

Day 5: Cherish the power of your breath. Remember that your breath can activate your parasympathetic nervous system, the part of you that is your natural antidote to the stress response! Isn’t it funny that we look for power externally in things like money and material assets when we have so much internal power to shut down what does not serve us and open the doors to so many wonderful things simply through the power of our breath?

Day 6: Treasure your ability to calm your nervous system on demand.

A calm nervous system halts the production of cortisol, which in large quantities interferes with the optimal functioning of your body systems (immune and digestive, just to name a couple). Did you know you are a fabulous chemist and scientist in the laboratory of your life every moment you are alive? By simply changing the narrative we give to a life situation, no matter how stressful the situation may be, we can calm our nervous system. For example, if we just got laid off, we can acknowledge that the situation is challenging, but focus on how many times we have been able to overcome similar situations in the past, instead of how this is the “end of the world.”

Day 7: Recognize the incredible power you have within your amazing neurobiology! Being in a balanced state of gratitude allows you access to the relational parts of your brain (right hemisphere) and allows you improved functioning of executive regulation (pre-frontal cortex). Is there a person in your life that you would love to share a positive relationship with? Recount five things you love about them before you talk to or see them next time and notice what happens!

Day 8: Be grateful for the gift of neuroplasticity. Neuroplasticity is the greatest neuroscience discovery of the last 150 years. We can grow regions of our brain associated with desired traits by simply shifting our attention to having experiences that foster those traits. For example, we grow optimism by consciously shifting our attention to being grateful for the positive sides of even negative experiences.

Day 9: Revere in your ability to activate your reward center and trigger the release of dopamine. You can activate dopamine, our “feel good” hormone, simply by identifying rewarding aspects of all experiences. When our “feel good” hormones get triggered by certain experiences, these experiences are flagged for protection and safekeeping. This means that over time, one positive experience at a time, your automatic response will become gratitude.

Day 10: Fill your heart with gratitude for a person that makes you feel cared for. When we consciously recall people and situations that make us feel good, our body functions (heart rate, temperature, blood pressure) remain at optimal levels. In todays’ era of information overload, we seem to operate from our stress response state quite a bit more frequently than what we were physiologically designed to handle. Thank heavens we have a natural antidote for this problem!

Day 11: Adore your strong muscles today. Do something that gives you the chance to encounter your physical strength. And don’t forget that much like muscle fitness, gratitude sculpts and increases cortical tissue in brain regions that are associated with harmonious emotional regulation. That means that the more time you invest in being grateful, the better you can process and manage negative emotions like fear and anger.

Day 12: Savor and trust in the universe that you are part of. Feel free to let go of what does not serve you, knowing that when you allow yourself to be the beautiful, amazing you who you are in your true essence, the whole universe will conspire to bring to your path all that you need. Have faith and trust the universe.

Day 13: Nurture the joy you hold inside your heart! We are so used to living life from a threatened state focusing on the challenging aspects of existence. Joy is not something that we arrive at in a conditioned manner and trust me—it does not come when we arrive at certain material milestones. We can find joy in the beauty of appreciating mundane details like autumn rain drops or being fully present without getting hi-jacked by past regrets or future worries. Let go of concerns about what’s to come.

Day 14: Be grateful for the ones that caused you pain. I know this does not seem like a typical thing to be grateful for or one that is easy for us to do. I invite you to consider that everything that comes along our path has a beautiful and precious reason and purpose. Acknowledge that when our interaction with another ends up in suffering, it is an incredible, fertile ground for growth for us. What is the message this person is here to give you? What can you do within your control to arrive at a harmonious outcome with another as a result of the lessons learned from this experience?

Day 15: Delight in your ability to be an active participant in reciprocity. Did you know that when you share gratitude with another it spreads like a positive, wonderful, wildfire? It feels good to be the recipient of appreciation and it drives us to “pay it forward” to others. Gratitude allows you to be part of a positivity wave that has the power to triumph over so many unnecessary human conditions, like hate, discrimination, and intolerance.

Day 16: Think about a recent situation when you did something great. How did that feel? Did you know that when you pause and actively recall what something wonderful felt like, you actually enhance your brains ability to replace negative, pre-existing wiring with positivity?

Day 17: Love your brain today. Your immaculate brain cannot focus on too many things at the same time, so if you occupy as many of your neurons (brain cells) as you can with gratitude, you have to let go of thoughts of self-doubt that might come up. This is the basis of many proven strategies, like mindfulness meditation, that have the power to increase our focus on one positive thing and away from our scattered “monkey mind.”

Day 18: Bring consciousness to how brilliant you are. As you go about cooking your meals, pouring your heart into your work, or raising your children, about thirty billion basic nervous system cells are at work forming the fiber of your life. Through nerve cell connections, our brains will select and save the experiences we have taught it to value. You can take action now, by telling your brain what YOU value.

Day 19: You are an inspiration to others simply by the choice of your actions. Consider how many great things you actually do every day. Beyond business plans and professional goal attainments, think of all the times you make someone smile! You have so many choices of actions you can take. I invite you to choose to nurture someone special today, or to simply empower and inspire the people around you by being the wonderful you that you are.

Day 20: Enshrine your power of responsibility and accountability. By recognizing which of your chosen views and actions do not take you to a destination you wish to arrive at, you actually give yourself the gift of choice. You can then play with your glorious ability to change anything that does not serve you. This is our natural antidote to learned helplessness, which fosters depression, as Martin Seligman, the father of positive psychology, has shown us.

Day 21: Embrace the myriad of elements that make you who you are. You are just as amazing as Aristotle or Albert Einstein! Embrace your beauty and all of your imperfections, decide which ones you want to work on, and rest peaceful that you are more than enough just the way you are.

A fellow Greek by the name of Plato once said: “A grateful mind is a great mind which eventually attracts to itself great things.”

It is truly amazing that over 2,500 years after Plato noted this modern research has proven him right.

But what is more amazing is that by making the simple choice of practicing gratitude everyday, we can harness the promethean light of Greek philosophers and modern science to illuminate our path to optimal well-being.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Self Care for a healthier, happier and more productive reality.

I am celebrating my birthday this week, one of my favorite days of the year to give myself some much-needed self-love and care. I know I ought to be giving myself “birthday love and care” every single day of the year, but out of the 365 days per year, most days there seems to be something else that takes precedence over taking care of myself.

The truth is that optimal performance; peak productivity, happiness, and health are not possible without scrupulous self-care. Our species has achieved some amazing accomplishments throughout our history: We have uncovered the human genome; walked on the moon; and created masterpieces of art, like the Sistine Chapel. But we continue to fall short at practicing self-care, which is a major obstacle to realizing self-mastery.

Why is taking care of ourselves so hard for us to put into practice?

Here is a small collection of guidelines about self-care—possibly the most critical component to realizing all noble human pursuits:

  1. If and when the cabin pressure drops, you have to put on your mask first before you can help anyone else that may need your assistance!

Isn’t it time we got over the conditioned way of thinking that we are selfish if we take care of ourselves before we take care of the ones we love? If we have people we love in our lives, we need to remember that we cannot be there for anyone in our lives if we become ill.

  1. Re-think your “number goals,” and change them to ones that truly matter.

We often sacrifice self-care for the goal most of us make number one on our numbered lists of goals: money! But which of these number-related goals might be more important than money: Thirty minutes a day of physical activity? Five servings of fruit and veggies everyday? Twenty-five grams of fiber per day (if you are a woman) or thirty-five grams (if you are a man)? What unique, beautiful, body number goals should you be considering? Do you need to have a blood pressure goal, or an HbA1C goal if you are a diabetic? Re-think your number goals.

  1. When it comes to your physical health, strive for balance versus perfection.

If you don’t get your thirty minutes of exercise today, can you add an extra ten minutes per day over the next three days? Events happen that take us off-balance. Becoming good at reinstating our balance when it’s lost is one of the most important and impactful things we can do to take good care of ourselves. After all, we cannot eliminate the myriad of life situations that will often challenge us and in significant ways. However, becoming better at how we land back on our feet after each setback and regain our balance is key to arriving at desired outcomes.

  1. Nurture your mind everyday.

Self-care goes above and beyond the American Medical Association’s recommendations regarding our physical health. Challenging yourself to find one way to nurture your mind everyday will increase the grey matter in the parts of your brain associated with inner strengths like resilience.

It only takes a few minutes to listen to a TED Talk or a short, guided meditation, or to read a few pages of a powerful book. But the benefits of re-sculpting your brain toward a happier you last forever!

  1. Self-talk matters.

How do you talk to yourself? Often, we are our self’s worst critic. We camouflage self-criticism under the label “high standards.” A helpful antidote is to picture yourself as your BFF (your best friend forever). How would you talk to them? If your self-talk does not pass the “BFF test,” it’s time to revamp the elements of your internal dialogue. Reframing is a fabulous way to calm our nervous system and bring us back home. For example, if we try something and fail, we can look at it from this perspective: “We are a fabulous person simply having an experience of failure.” Although it may seem like semantics, the act of reframing a negative to a positive is enough to allow us to support our nervous system to work with us towards our health and not exhaust it by employing it for our defense from imaginary threats.

 

  1. Give yourself the gift of connection and human touch everyday.

Regardless of how many ups and downs each day may bring, make the time to hold your loved ones up close and personal. When we hold or touch a person we love, the hormone oxytocin floods our blood stream. Oxytocin is a potent modulator of critical nervous system functions involved with anxiety, depression, and pain perception. If you feel that life becomes a little too much at times, don’t forget oxytocin—the most natural and potent anti-depressant, which is free and has no side effects. All you have to do is reach out and touch the ones you love!

  1. Take an active stance against negative thoughts, words, and people.

We don’t often consider the negative consequences of the vibrational frequency of any type of negativity. But if you think of a time in your life when you nurtured a plant, you know how toxic it would have been if you had chosen to water your plant with an acidic fluid, like bleach or vinegar. We, too, are delicate flowers easily taken off our optimal levels by any threat that sounds our alarm! There is nothing more alarming than negative thoughts, words, and people.

Each and every one of us has a very special purpose, regardless of our background, history, or humble beginnings.

We often believe that the economy, unique life situations, or circumstances outside of our control are responsible for us not living the life we want and deserve.

The truth is that we have everything we need to arrive at all our desired outcomes.

All we have to do now is focus on effectively closing the gap between the optimal results we expect and the quality of care we provide ourselves.

As it turns out, the love we put into anything important at work or at home will determine our results.

But the one thing we need to always remember is that we cannot love anyone anymore than we love ourselves.

The time to start loving yourself more is now!