Category: The positive perspective

The reality we come to accept as our life is made up of several elements. Some are perceived as good, some bad, and some neutral.

What we don’t realize is that the way we perceive life situations through our five senses actually sculpts our brain which is the ultimate master of our body.
This is a simplified view of a complex process known as neuroplasticity, which is the ability of our brain to re-organize itself— chemically, physically, and structurally— in order for us to change the way our body and ourselves respond to life situations.

The use of imaging techniques in the field of neuroscience has lent us much knowledge on the way our brain behaves in the face of negative and positive experiences. We now know that when we focus on the negative aspects of an experience, our brain engages our resources to confront a threat. For example, a tiger is approaching. This in turn draws all of our metabolic energy from the executive function part of our brain and from our vital functions and processes, and directs that energy to our large muscle groups. Now we can run from the tiger. But this energy shift places us in a temporary state of cognitive and emotional impairment.

On the contrary, when we focus on positive aspects of any experience, we operate from the space of a balanced nervous system, which has been proven to provide many benefits. We feel better, find more creative solutions to problems, experience less cardiovascular diseases, improve our immune function, and reduce anxiety, depression and overall symptoms of stress.

Our brain evolved with a strong negative bias that has kept us alive and ahead of the tigers for millions of years. Now, that negative bias is more harmful than helpful.

What can we do, little by little, to change the neural pathways of our brain, so that we can use it to tap into our most valuable resources and experience life from our best self?

Five Simple Science Based Pathways to Happiness

Do you feel happy?

If your answer to that question is “yes but…,” I would like to invite you to consider some unconventional pathways to happiness. After all, among all the things we search for in this life, you could say that happiness is the one pursuit that is universal! In addition, scientific research clearly substantiates that happiness is linked to unimpeded well-being, peak performance, and professional success.

If you would like to experience more happiness, here are five practices based on secrets from the neuroscience of happy people that you can use:

  1. Question and redefine the important elements of your life.

Our beliefs, definitions, and values come from our familial, societal, and cultural history. These become our models of the world, and they affect our patterns of behavior and habits. For example, maybe we were raised with the belief that “to be successful in the corporate world you have to pay your dues and sacrifice your personal life.” That belief can lead to us working late evenings and weekends, which will eventually lead to complete imbalance between work and life. We can free ourselves from our history and create the future we want by carefully redefining the important terms in our life. For example, we could redefine success as “having a healthy work/life balance.” And what about our definition of happiness? Have you considered that the way we define happiness may determine whether or not we will be able to attain it? If we define happiness in an all or nothing way, for example, “I will be happy when I am a millionaire,” that sets us up for being unhappy until or if we reach that goal.

The practice: To identify definitions that inadvertently take you out of balance, a good practice is to dedicate time to observe and change beliefs that we have adopted from our environment that affect us in a negative way. Take a moment to create a list of your top three causes of stress. Then, in a second column, list the beliefs and values that are related to those elements being stressors. What terms do you need to redefine so that you can get closer to wholeness and balance? When I was a starving student in a Northern England university, I was one of the people who thought happiness was “having a million dollars.” Today I define happiness as “the ratio between expectation and outcome.” That way, I have an ongoing list of variables I can adjust to improve my sense of happiness, which lowers my level of stress.

  1. Quiet your mind.

Does mindfulness seem like a mystical practice that you are not sure you are capable of performing? What if we look at mindfulness in a way that takes the mysticism and mystery out of it? Mindfulness is simply the practice of directing our attention to the present moment. Although simple, this practice is the most robust and scientific evidence-based practice for health, productivity, and happiness. Several decades of studies show tremendous structural and functional benefits in the brains of fellow humans who have a regular mindfulness practice.

The practice: Find a small slot every day (5-10 minutes) to keep your attention only on your breath. When you notice your attention wandering off (to a negative interaction with your spouse, what you will cook for dinner, or anything else), simply notice it and bring your attention back to your breath. Little by little, you will be happy to realize that after all these years, much of your suffering was a byproduct of your thoughts and emotions. You can find my favorite guided meditation here to help you get started: https://myndzen.com/the-solution/quiet-your-mind/

  1. Nurture your body.

We have decades of data reflecting the incredible benefits of healthy foods and exercise on our cardiovascular health. But did you know that exercise has been proven to have another significant effect? It can make you happier! Exercise has been studied as a treatment for depression for the last thirty years, ever since Professor James Blumenthal (Dept. of Psychology and Neuroscience, Duke University) noticed the inadvertent benefit of exercise on reducing symptoms of depression. A more recent review (2013) by the non-profit Colchrane, a leader in gathering and sharing evidence-based medicine resources, concluded that exercise is as effective a treatment for depression as pharmaceutical treatments.

The practice: Take a few moments to plan out your week so you can slowly, but surely, add regular intervals of exercise into your busy schedule. Can you listen to a conference call, your favorite Podcast, or a TED talk while you are taking a walk instead of sitting at your desk? Although at first it may seem like a challenge to fit one more thing into your busy life, I can promise you that if you stick to it for at least three weeks, you can create a new habit for life. The positive impact on your mood of “feel good” chemicals (like glutamate and GABA) released in your brain through exercise will make you so happy you did!

  1. Turn toward what matters.

Whether we turn to neuroscience, psychology, or human experience, the evidence is clear that strong social connections are one of the most important predictors for longevity, health, and happiness! I hear sometimes that we “don’t have time for relationships” in our busy world. As it turns out, having strong relationships that act as a safety net makes us so much happier. Social connections not only flood our system with oxytocin, which reduces fear in our brain, but also create the solid core from which we can conquer the ups and downs of life with increased well-being.

The practice: Add taking the time EVERY DAY to connect with the important people in your life to your to-do list. Ask yourself what you appreciate about them and take the time to let them know. Maybe you can even put a love note in their briefcase.

  1. Cultivate the positive perspective.

Depression is the most common mental disorder in the world affecting more than 300 million people. Prominent scientists around the world have invested a significant amount of time and effort in understanding it. Today, with the insights we have gathered from the way depression affects the brain, we know exactly which parts of our brain we need to affect to build a happy brain that is resilient against depression and anxiety and we know how to do it. For example, we know positive thoughts can build the part of our brains that reduce depression and increase happiness. Best yet, we don’t have to be neuroscientists to benefit from this knowledge.

The practice: Whenever something happens to you that elicits negative emotions, acknowledge the validity of those feelings and redirect your attention to uncovering five positive elements of that experience. For example, if you were just laid off, recognize the legitimate concern about this event. Then focus your attention on how this unforeseen circumstance could perhaps provide you with a much-needed reset space to reconsider your next career move, or with time with your family, and so on and so forth.

FINAL THOUGHTS Beyond the euphoric emotions that we all associate with being happy, there are also many evidence-based benefits to our well-being when we are feeling happy. Being happier not only makes us more open, approachable, hopeful, and optimistic, but also increases our immune function and our ability to calm down in the midst of chaos.There has never been a better time to employ self-compassion and accountability toward nurturing the real sources of happiness in our life.

After all, scientific research has proven that the conventional things we historically go after, fail to make us happier. For example, a relatively recent Princeton University study by Nobel-prize winning economist, Angus Deaton, and psychologist, Daniel Kahneman showed that once one’s income level reaches $75,000 per year, no matter how much more we make, it makes no difference to our degree of happiness!

It appears that beyond the short bursts of primal happiness from having nice material possessions, enjoying a lovely meal, or making love, there is one type of happiness that is internal—one that we carry with us always regardless of the size of our bank account or the type of car we drive.

That kind of happiness hinges upon our ability to maintain a calm nervous system, even when experiences we are having are not pleasant.

Almost six decades of scientific data are illuminating significant clues on how to accomplish having a calm nervous system. We can free ourselves from past limiting beliefs that hold us hostage, redefine the important elements of our life, quiet our minds and nurture our bodies, connect with our loved ones, and focus on the positive, thereby harnessing our incredible nervous system for our health and well-being.

When we establish this sense of internal safety, we will be able to perceive the world and our life as a positive experience.

And that kind of happiness, my friend, is 100% within your control!

Three Simple “Antidotes” to Prevent Feeling Overwhelmed

The dictionary defines “to overwhelm” as: “to drown beneath a huge mass.” Do you find yourself having more to do than time to do it? Do you find yourself feeling overwhelmed, and yet you cannot stop taking on more and more responsibility?

If this sounds like you, you are not alone!

Ample scientific evidence is ringing an alarm bell about how much feeling overwhelmed and experiencing high levels of stress impact our health and performance. But we don’t have time to read those studies or the peace of mind to come up with solutions. Luckily, you have a scientist at your disposal, who suffered great health consequences from chronic stress and is passionate about developing practical, science-based solutions just for you.

Next time you find yourself at the tipping point where healthy motivation or positive stress (called eustress) is turning into distress, and you are feeling overwhelmed, I invite you to try out three simple hacks that are supported by science and, although simple, are very effective at nipping feeling overwhelmed in the bud.

1.   Take a break!

If you are anything like I used to be, when responsibilities became overwhelming, I would steal more hours from my personal life to try and complete all my tasks. I hoped that once I got caught up, I would be able to get back to a healthy work/life balance. Research, however, is showing that one of the most effective things we can do to meet life’s demands better is to get off the rollercoaster, even if it is just for a few minutes. Despite how busy you may be, shut your devices down, and create some space to do something that gives you pleasure. Research is showing that one of the biggest factors as to whether stress will be a friend or a foe to our well-being hinges upon whether our stress levels are intermittent or constant.

By taking an active stance to infuse breaks, so that your nervous system has the opportunity to reset and restore, you are actually intercepting the chemical reactions in your body that result in a myriad of consequences, including but not limited to depression, insomnia, hypertension, GI problems, higher incidence of infection, and even memory impairment.

2.    Practice the one-minute rule.

When I found myself so incredibly overwhelmed and hiding my debilitating anxiety behind my awards and my outward success, I came across Gretchen Rubin’s incredible work and her “one-minute rule.” Gretchen Rubin, one of the most influential observers of happiness and human nature, is the author of three New York Times best sellers: The Four Tendencies, Better Than Before and The Happiness Project. The one-minute rule involves completing any and all tasks that can be completed in one minute or less before tackling larger projects. These tasks could be hanging up our coat, making our bed, confirming an appointment, sending a quick follow-up email, depositing a check, and so on and so forth. Although completing these small tasks may seem like nothing in the larger scheme of the “huge mass we are drowning under,” I have found Gretchen Rubin’s one-minute rule to be extremely impactful. It helps me take some weight off my overwhelmingly-full plate so I can focus on the bigger and more energy-demanding priorities. Try it out and see for yourself!

3.    Plan Ahead.

Planning ahead can minimize unnecessary stress. Can you remember a time when you had a million things happening at the same time, and you were late for an appointment, and you could not find your car keys? I can!

Although in isolation, not remembering where you put your keys is not that big of a deal, it can be the “straw that breaks the camel’s back” in the midst of a crazy day. What if we could take the necessary steps proactively to eliminate those extra stressors, or at least plan ahead and develop back-up plans that control their negative impact? I have found so much calm in the midst of chaos from something as simple as having a specific spot for my keys and the mail and the stamps and all the little things that, although not great stressors in isolation, can tip us off the optimal performance zone when we are already dealing with an overwhelming number of things to do. Take a minute to look back at a time when some small things tipped you off your optimal performance. Determine which of those things are within your control and plan ahead for them, so that the next time you have a million things happening at once, you can feel less overwhelmed.

In conclusion

In this information-overloaded, fast-paced world, it is very normal to feel overwhelmed and stressed out.

Our immaculate brain has naturally evolved with the propensity to focus more on negative aspects of experience, inadvertently activating our fight or flight response, temporarily shutting down the thinking part of our brain, and slowing down the optimal performance of our important functions like our immune system.

We all know there are many things we have absolutely no control over. However, increasing our knowledge and embracing the amazing power of our brain and nervous system is within our control. We can learn how our brain and nervous system can turn against us when untamed, and learn how to tame them. Working with our incredible nervous system and not against it, is one of the most impactful avenues we can take to lead us to changing anything that is not working for us, reunite us with our best self, and reinstate that lovely balance of home and work life.

A Different Perspective on the Holidays: Is It the Most Wonderful Time of the Year?

Have you noticed how amazing the holidays look in commercials?

We see visions of perfection—“Martha Stewart” tables filled with fabulous, cooked food and matching napkins; people laughing and getting along; crackling fires and soothing music in the background; perfectly decorated homes and the image of the perfect family.

We would all love to be the protagonists in these holiday commercials.

But the truth is, that for many of us, the holidays are not as wonderful as the commercials show.

In real life, in the US alone,

  • Many of our families are devastated by pain from the loss of a loved one—a pain that resurfaces as we approach the first holiday season without them. Heart attacks and cancer claim the lives of a million of our loved ones each year, car accidents a million and a half, and 35,000 of us every year experience the unfathomable grief of losing a loved one to suicide.
  • 6 million of us have to survive the holidays after the devastation of divorce, and an additional number of unmarried couples cope with the aftermath of breakups.
  • Have you considered that over 43 million foreign-born immigrants live in the US? Some of us who are immigrants have families who live thousands of miles away and we don’t have any family close by to sit around our tables.
  • And then there are people who lost their jobs in the last twelve months who live with fear and anxiety about how they will make ends meet.

I am not trying to be negative here, but real life includes all of those situations that impact many of us and it is really not like the “Martha Stewart” holiday commercials.

And here is the craziest thing about this: Although we all carry our fair share of pain and suffering, more times than not, we prefer to hide it from the rest of the world. We are ashamed to admit what is happening in our life and simply choose to write “blessed” on our Facebook wall.

Did you know that research is showing that shame triggers the stress response in the same way that being chased by a mountain lion would?

 

Let this be a gentle reminder that regardless of our circumstances, our socio-economic status, or any other of our unique characteristics, we all experience our fair share of sadness and loneliness, which can be increased by the conditioned way we view “the holidays.” Have you considered that if we shared our vulnerabilities, instead of keeping them to ourselves, our hearts might feel lighter?

I know we all have endless lists around the holidays—gifts to buy, things to do, places to be. However, I invite you to add a few additional items to your “to do” list this holiday season:

  1. Choose kindness and compassion.

We sometimes get so busy and lost in the never-ending lists of things we have to do, that we forget how simple it is to share kind words and actions and how much of a difference this choice makes in the world. In fact, a significant amount of science has taught us that kindness and compassion are natural anti-depressants. Forget about Prozac. There are so many more things we can do to beat the blues.

—Smile to people you meet! Did you know that a simple smile registers with others more than any other human expression and gives us a sense of connection?

—Give genuine compliments. Do you notice something that is worth acknowledging in another? What if while we are stuck in a long grocery line we use this time to talk about positive things with the people close to us in line?

—Give someone flowers for no reason and wish them happy holidays!

  1. Make time and space for mindfulness.

A decade ago, a Harvard professor and his team developed an app that tracked peoples’ happiness depending on what they were doing when the team randomly checked in with them. They found that 47% of the time their minds had wandered to things outside of the present moment. Can you imagine that we are not actually present for half of our lives? (You can participate yourself by going to trackyourhppiness.org.)

How can we infuse little reminders into our day to anchor us back to the present moment?

—It could be something as simple as committing to noticing when our mind starts wandering and taking a deep breath inviting our mind to come back to the present moment.

—We can start our day by taking a few breaths to savor the fact that we are able to still breathe, and we can set an intention for the day.

—We can spend a few minutes before retiring to sleep to breathe in a sense of gratitude for all the wonderful things we experienced that day, even if the day included a challenging “crucial” conversation with someone at work.

  1. Choose happiness.

No matter how difficult life may be at times, there are still a million things we can find to be happy about.

—Our resilience—how our heart is still beating regardless of the challenges and adversity we have had to face in our lives!

—The beauty of nature and the abundance of oxygen that the trees produce for us every day.

—The people that we have in our lives to love and be loved by.

—The sunshine on our face every day, no matter how much darkness we have to deal with at times.

There is ample evidence that reflects a myriad of benefits of choosing the positive perspective: We cultivate more hope and optimism; we are more open to connection; we experience bolstered immune function and increased positive emotions, as well as an increase in our nervous systems’ “vagal tone,” which is associated with feeling relaxed, healthy, and well.

The holidays can be a wonderful time of the year, as every day of our life can be.

An important component to making our life the most wonderful it can be is to make the choice to accept and share an undeniable part of our humanness: the pain and suffering that is part of life.

Our suffering can lead to abundant love and happiness if we let it guide us in reaching out and touching the hand of a fellow human being who has experienced a loss similar to one that we have experienced; if we choose to be extra kind and extend more compassion and patience and understanding; if we all just step outside of the costumes we wear and expose our vulnerabilities.

Maybe together we can make a better world for all of us to live in.

Because after all, what will “make the bells ring” is the carol that you sing right within your heart.