Category: Question and redefine everything

“The beginning of wisdom is the definition of terms.” Socrates

Over 2500 years after Socrates determined the definition of terms to be the beginning of wisdom, we seem to have lost the importance of this critical practice.
Depending on how we define things, different avenues open up in front of us and other options cease to exist.

The way we define the terms of our life shapes our reality!

Join me in questioning and redefining the important elements of life in a way that quiets our inner critic and soothes our neurobiology to replace stress with peace. I welcome you to question my definitions and share your own.

Self Care for a healthier, happier and more productive reality.

I am celebrating my birthday this week, one of my favorite days of the year to give myself some much-needed self-love and care. I know I ought to be giving myself “birthday love and care” every single day of the year, but out of the 365 days per year, most days there seems to be something else that takes precedence over taking care of myself.

The truth is that optimal performance; peak productivity, happiness, and health are not possible without scrupulous self-care. Our species has achieved some amazing accomplishments throughout our history: We have uncovered the human genome; walked on the moon; and created masterpieces of art, like the Sistine Chapel. But we continue to fall short at practicing self-care, which is a major obstacle to realizing self-mastery.

Why is taking care of ourselves so hard for us to put into practice?

Here is a small collection of guidelines about self-care—possibly the most critical component to realizing all noble human pursuits:

  1. If and when the cabin pressure drops, you have to put on your mask first before you can help anyone else that may need your assistance!

Isn’t it time we got over the conditioned way of thinking that we are selfish if we take care of ourselves before we take care of the ones we love? If we have people we love in our lives, we need to remember that we cannot be there for anyone in our lives if we become ill.

  1. Re-think your “number goals,” and change them to ones that truly matter.

We often sacrifice self-care for the goal most of us make number one on our numbered lists of goals: money! But which of these number-related goals might be more important than money: Thirty minutes a day of physical activity? Five servings of fruit and veggies everyday? Twenty-five grams of fiber per day (if you are a woman) or thirty-five grams (if you are a man)? What unique, beautiful, body number goals should you be considering? Do you need to have a blood pressure goal, or an HbA1C goal if you are a diabetic? Re-think your number goals.

  1. When it comes to your physical health, strive for balance versus perfection.

If you don’t get your thirty minutes of exercise today, can you add an extra ten minutes per day over the next three days? Events happen that take us off-balance. Becoming good at reinstating our balance when it’s lost is one of the most important and impactful things we can do to take good care of ourselves. After all, we cannot eliminate the myriad of life situations that will often challenge us and in significant ways. However, becoming better at how we land back on our feet after each setback and regain our balance is key to arriving at desired outcomes.

  1. Nurture your mind everyday.

Self-care goes above and beyond the American Medical Association’s recommendations regarding our physical health. Challenging yourself to find one way to nurture your mind everyday will increase the grey matter in the parts of your brain associated with inner strengths like resilience.

It only takes a few minutes to listen to a TED Talk or a short, guided meditation, or to read a few pages of a powerful book. But the benefits of re-sculpting your brain toward a happier you last forever!

  1. Self-talk matters.

How do you talk to yourself? Often, we are our self’s worst critic. We camouflage self-criticism under the label “high standards.” A helpful antidote is to picture yourself as your BFF (your best friend forever). How would you talk to them? If your self-talk does not pass the “BFF test,” it’s time to revamp the elements of your internal dialogue. Reframing is a fabulous way to calm our nervous system and bring us back home. For example, if we try something and fail, we can look at it from this perspective: “We are a fabulous person simply having an experience of failure.” Although it may seem like semantics, the act of reframing a negative to a positive is enough to allow us to support our nervous system to work with us towards our health and not exhaust it by employing it for our defense from imaginary threats.

 

  1. Give yourself the gift of connection and human touch everyday.

Regardless of how many ups and downs each day may bring, make the time to hold your loved ones up close and personal. When we hold or touch a person we love, the hormone oxytocin floods our blood stream. Oxytocin is a potent modulator of critical nervous system functions involved with anxiety, depression, and pain perception. If you feel that life becomes a little too much at times, don’t forget oxytocin—the most natural and potent anti-depressant, which is free and has no side effects. All you have to do is reach out and touch the ones you love!

  1. Take an active stance against negative thoughts, words, and people.

We don’t often consider the negative consequences of the vibrational frequency of any type of negativity. But if you think of a time in your life when you nurtured a plant, you know how toxic it would have been if you had chosen to water your plant with an acidic fluid, like bleach or vinegar. We, too, are delicate flowers easily taken off our optimal levels by any threat that sounds our alarm! There is nothing more alarming than negative thoughts, words, and people.

Each and every one of us has a very special purpose, regardless of our background, history, or humble beginnings.

We often believe that the economy, unique life situations, or circumstances outside of our control are responsible for us not living the life we want and deserve.

The truth is that we have everything we need to arrive at all our desired outcomes.

All we have to do now is focus on effectively closing the gap between the optimal results we expect and the quality of care we provide ourselves.

As it turns out, the love we put into anything important at work or at home will determine our results.

But the one thing we need to always remember is that we cannot love anyone anymore than we love ourselves.

The time to start loving yourself more is now!

Performance Excellence and Frazzle

Have you ever had a day like this?

  • You are working hard, yet you cannot complete tasks effectively.
  • You forget what you were doing a minute ago.
  • You have difficulty concentrating, and—as much as you try to—you cannot keep your mind on one task.

If you have days like these, you are not alone. Many of us feel frazzled (hopefully, only occasionally) when stress becomes so great that it starts interfering with our performance.

Contrary to popular belief, stress is not all bad. In fact, stress can be a positive, motivational force that gives us the ability to sharpen our performance and rise to a challenging occasion. However, the relationship between stress and performance follows a predictable bell-shaped curve, where optimal performance deteriorates as stress increases (1908, Robert M. Yerkes and John Dillingham Dodson).

DRAWING OF YERKES DODSON BELL CURVE.

What is frazzle?

Frazzle is the performance zone associated with what we know as distress. It is the part of the Yerkes Dodson bell-shaped curve just beyond optimal performance, where stress increases to a point that results in deterioration of performance. When in frazzle mode, the quantity of hormones released by our stress response lead to a cascade of events, which have the ability to interfere with our ability to learn, innovate, be creative, or even effectively manage our time. Furthermore, if we hang out in frazzle mode for too long, our body systems start malfunctioning, making us susceptible to illness and potential long-term damage to organs and bodily functions.

A different perspective on why employees don’t do what they are supposed to do

When I was first nominated to enter management development, I was expected to read a dozen best-selling leadership books as part of my mandatory training. As much as I enjoyed learning from this incredible list of experts, I noticed something interesting: Every single one of them looked at employees a bit like they were “problems” that managers had to “solve” in order to achieve individual and organizational performance excellence.

The truth is, most of the time the real culprit causing poor performance is not bad employees but negative, physiological consequences, which take place when we humans are stretched too thin without adequate time in between to reset.

We are not machines, but beautifully complex body systems requiring ample time to rest and digest experiences in between jumping over hurdles. Research has proven that performance is negatively affected when the demands of work and life become greater than our ability to bounce back to our calm, balanced state, known as homeostasis. When we are in our neutral state, our heart is beating at the correct rate (80-100 beats per minute), our temperature is just right (97-98 degrees Fahrenheit), we have access to the executive part of our brain, and our immune and digestive systems are working well. Every demand we place on an organism produces stress—a temporary state where our body goes off-balance to meet a demand.

When we are burning the candle at both ends—going to work early and then working late at night to meet yet another work deadline—we don’t consciously think how, in order to meet that deadline, we are actually taking our body off-balance temporarily. For example, whether we are an Olympian running to win a Gold Medal, or a mere, corporate executive giving a presentation to our peers and boss, our heart rate and body temperature will increase above and beyond our normal, balanced states to meet that demand. If we keep this up for too long, we spend less and less time at an optimal heart rate or temperature level.

The sum total of all the adjustments an organism has to make to return the body to its’ balanced state in the face of stressors is called allostatic load (McEwan and Stellar, 1993). The higher the allostatic load, the more our performance deteriorates and the higher the probability is that we will experience functional organ and body damage.

How do we incorporate all the insights that science has lent us regarding the impact of stress to increase individual and organizational health and optimal performance? Here are the most valuable lessons I learned from the team of eight people I had the privilege of leading in my very first job as a manager.

  1. 
 We need to start living our values outside of employee handbooks. Are we really supporting work-life balance if we are expected to give up our lunch to meet yet another deadline, or to take a Sunday night red-eye flight to be at a noon meeting across the country? Work-life balance initiatives sound great inside the pages of our employee manuals, but they actually lead to peak performance when these values are supported by actions.

 

  1. We need to invest in building a culture of community at the workplace. When life’s demands become too high, we humans tend to find comfort in the support kindly offered to us by people who care about us and show up at times of stress. Beyond revenues and corporate objectives, one effective antidote to frazzle is to create time and space to connect with employees as humans, above and beyond corporate meetings and performance metrics. Let’s face it, we all spend a significant amount of our life at work. It is unlikely that we will go the extra mile for a boss or a company that does not really care about us as human beings.

 

  1. We need to start talking about stress openly. We cannot possibly eliminate stress in life, but we can increase our stress resilience. How can we build stress resilience though, if we turn a blind eye to the hidden, negative impact of stress? What if our annual business plans included SMART (specific, measurable, action-oriented, results-oriented, and time-specific) goals around stress resilience?  We need to stop seeing stress as a sign of weakness in employees, but as a larger problem and a significant health and safety issue in the workplace.

 

  1. We need to put down the stick and give more carrots. Despite the robust evidence that behaviorism does not work, fear-based leadership still appears to be the king. In fact, carrot and stick leadership is wreaking havoc in corporate America, costing a staggering amount of dollars in lost productivity and health issues. It’s time to truly see employees as valuable assets. After all, nobody wakes up in the morning thinking, “Today is a great day for me to be a low performer.” Isn’t it time we see with eyes wide open how much a threatened brain hampers performance?

 

  1. Happy employees really do make productive employees. When we review the philosophy and strategies of the companies that continually make the list of the best companies to work for, we can clearly see that these companies provide their employees with unconventional perks that go beyond additional pay. These perks can include on-site gyms or childcare, flex-time options, or even providing employees with designated time to meditate or get massages at work. The common thread amongst these exemplary organizations is that they realize the importance of providing the time and space for their people to rest and regroup in order for them to do amazing things for their companies in return. And they often do!

 

I was extremely frazzled and stressed out when I was given the honor and responsibility to lead a team for the first time in my career a little over a decade ago.

As it turned out though, my people shone for me, and in nine months our team moved from ranking at the bottom of our company to being the number one performing team in the nation! Although I was somewhat unconventional in my leadership approach (I cooked Greek food for my team at my home and even succeeded in changing company policies a couple of times to support my teams’ needs) it was not really me, but my people who actually realized this great accomplishment.

Every organization in any industry needs to perform well in order to remain profitable and survive against market variables. That means we all have to stretch ourselves to meet performance expectations.

But if we wish to see exceptional performance then active steps—such as the five steps listed above—need to be implemented to neutralize the negative impact of frazzle and stress.

And, if we are truly serious about performance excellence, here’s the most potent thing we can do to launch our employees’ superhero: We need to actively reflect that we “have their back!”

Performance excellence and Flow

performance excellence

Performance excellence is a universal human pursuit. No matter where we come from or what our IQ is, we all strive to be our best. But not all of us arrive at self-mastery.

I have been a performer in the top 5% for the majority of my adult life. However, my performance plummeted in all areas of my life when I fell into the depths of burnout and frazzle and lost access to my best self.

But what are the two degrees of separation between our ability to perform a task beautifully with a deep sense of joy as opposed to expending all of our energy without arriving at a successful outcome?

Flow is the term that describes the state in which we can perform and feel our absolute best.

The term was coined by Hungarian psychologist, Mihaly Csikszentmihályi, who in the early 1970’s began the quest of unpacking the characteristics of the state that allows us to perform at the utmost of our ability. Dr. Csikszentmihályi’s work launched a massive, global effort to understand how we can access the super powers that have allowed fellow humans to accomplish the impossible. More recently, neuroimaging techniques have lent us incredible insights regarding the state of flow, such as knowledge of the specific alterations in brain function that occur with this desirable performance state of being.

What is flow?

Flow is a positive state in which we are able to perform a task at hand at optimal levels while also feeling a deep sense of happiness and joy. It has been described as “the sweet spot” or being “in the zone” where we are completely enamored and engrossed in the task at hand and experience an extreme sense of heightened awareness, so much so, that we often lose track of time.

When we find ourselves in flow, we are highly-focused, exceptionally creative, and feel a deep sense of fulfillment and satisfaction.

Research, which includes the use of fMRI (functional magnetic resonance imaging), has revealed that the part of our brain—the dorsolateral pre-frontal cortex—associated with the voice of doubt within us shuts down when we are in flow. That means that we are free to make decisions and access our creativity and innovation without having to waste any energy quieting the inner critic within us. We also know that the state of flow is associated with several pleasure-inducing neurochemicals, such as dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin.

The benefits of flow.

Being in the state of flow appears to have an incredible impact. We can:

  • Learn twice as fast.
  • Solve problems more effectively.
  • Access solutions that we don’t have access to under normal circumstances.

In fact, research has shown that top executives are 500% more productive when in flow.

As we go through the mundane details of our daily existence, we may not often consider our ability to perform in a  similar fashion to iconic athletes like Magic Johnson,  But in actual fact, we are physiologically just as capable of doing what Roger Bannister did in 1954 when he broke the “four-minute-barrier”—running a mile in just under four minutes. Until Roger defeated that barrier, running a mile in under four minutes was not considered humanly possible.

Functioning at this exceptional level of competency and ability means we can not only accomplish whatever we set our minds to, but also that we can have more time for things that matter in life, like our family.

Tips on cultivating flow states

So, if all of us are capable of entering a state that has allowed some of us to conquer the 29,035-foot summit of Mount Everest, how do we enter this state of flow? A large number of scientists around the world have developed lists of the essential components of flow and suggestions on shortcuts that we can practice to become better at entering the state of flow. These methods can be personal, environmental, and/or social.

But here are some simple every day ways you and I can take advantage of the state of human performance excellence known as flow, backed up by scientific research and my own humble experience.

  1. Practice mindfulness.

Mindfulness is the conscious decision of choosing what we focus on. Whether we are Michelangelo chiseling the masterpiece David out of marble, or we are a teacher giving a long division lesson to fourth graders, mastering the art of quieting thoughts that distract and dilute our attention is a very effective way of increasing our ability to experience conscious, focused attention. The more often and the more consistently we practice quieting our thoughts, one minute at a time, the more competent we become at being able to access the present moment instantly.

  1. Practice setting clear goals and priorities for both the smallest and largest pursuits of your existence.

Get into the habit of creating intention for everything in your life—your day, your work, your role as a parent. If we don’t have a specific destination for any part of our lives, we will get nowhere specific. A razor-blade-focus on our goals is critical in activating the parts of our brain that are involved with excellence and peak performance.

  1. Practice consistently aligning your skills to your endeavors in all work and life tasks.

If you ask me to play the guitar solo from Jimi Hendrix’s classic song, Voodoo Child, I will absolutely fail miserably. I don’t have much skill in playing the guitar. If we want to have more moments of peak performance in our life, it is important that we do not allow a desire for external approval to dissuade us and take us off course from our true path. For example, we may want to please our parents by following their chosen career path of practicing law, but if we happen to be Michelangelo, our incredible artistry would be wasted in law school, and we would be miserable!

We need to be really honest with ourselves and brave enough to take an active role in recognizing what jobs match our current skills and what skills we need to become better at. Flow can only be achieved when our skills are fully developed and utilized, so that we can continuously and effectively overcome challenges associated with a job or endeavor.

  1. Commit to actively practicing positive states of mental activity.

Our built-in negative bias is an essential part of life and what has kept us alive for millions of years. However, it is this same conditioned way of negative thinking that short circuits our metabolic energy and shuts down the parts of our brain where creativity and innovation come from. We often don’t know how to bypass our negative bias, or we are too busy to do so. Starting each day with just five minutes of listing what you are grateful for in a notebook or journal can do wonders for allowing you to shift into a positive state, which is a potent precursor for instilling an internal path to the magical space of flow.

  1. Do what you love and love what you do.

In this fast-paced, competitive era that we live in, we forget the importance of doing what we are truly passionate about. Choosing to align our best skills with something that truly excites us and that also makes a positive contribution to the world we live in is a great way to get closer to what Dr. Csikszentmihályi described as the “optimal experience” in life: when our abilities are matched with what we love, what we are best at, and what makes a difference in the world.

Although we tend to look for happiness in checking off endless lists of status quo expectations, it appears that not much can top the immense joy we experience when we can access the powerful, intrinsic state of flow in ourselves – When we do what we use our best skills doing what we are most passionate about, while making a positive contribution to the world, while we are at it!

Unlike the adrenaline rush of winning an award, or getting any external approval, the state of flow represents our ultimate ability to be in control regulate our internal state and channel it toward realizing our smaller and larger noble pursuits.

We cannot underestimate the happiness that comes from human touch, teamwork, or any other source of happiness dependent on external sources.

But the happiness that results from our own flow is the only one that is sustainable, 100% within our control, and invaluable in reinforcing the intrinsic muscle of self-worth that forms the building blocks to our own self-actualization.