Category: Self worth

What is self- worth?
The dictionary defines self-worth as “the sense of one’s own value or worth as a person.”

Self-worth is the most critical component of our ability to truly believe in ourselves and live our life aligned with our best qualities. Without a healthy sense of self- worth, doubts and fears can overwhelm our true potential, greatly impacting the quality of our life experience, as well as sabotaging our life’s dreams, vision and purpose.

Although some of us may not be consciously aware that what is keeping us up at night is a sense of self-worth that needs improvement, I am here to tell you that if you and I can focus on one issue with the highest return on your investment, it is self-worth.

The story of how we develop or do not develop self- worth can be a long and painful one.

Join me as I make every effort to organize where your story of self-worth begins, and how we can make the ending the happiest one possible!

The Origin of Stress

We are stressed out beyond belief. In fact, there has never been a time when we were this stressed!         And stress is killing us—literally. Science has proven that stress is the direct or indirect cause of more than 90% of today’s diseases. We usually blame external circumstances for how stressed we are: the economy, our parents, our boss, the corporate culture of our organization.

But I have some news for you:

  1. Our relationship to stress—how our body responds to demands from our environment—actually originates in the architecture of our nervous system, which begins to form approximately twenty-eight days after our father’s sperm fertilizes our mom’s egg!
  2. The plasticity of our brain, called neuroplasticity, means our brain can change based on experience. This offers an amazing opportunity to use our mind to change our brain to better manage any negative symptoms of stress we experience.

Stress almost killed me, and when it happened, it did not make any sense cognitively. At that point in my life, I had checked off most of the status quo expectations. I enjoyed financial security. I had a lovely family, a decent social life, an overall healthy lifestyle, and a career many would die for. Why was I so stressed out, and what was the discord that was making me sick? Like the good scientist that I am, I decided to get to the bottom of this, once and for all, and learn everything I could about this insidious obstacle to my health, happiness, and productivity, known as stress.

Stress is a state. 

Stress is a physiological state, affecting biological functions like our heart rate. It is psychological, affecting our mental and emotional state. And stress is behavioral, because it drives our behavior. The state of stress is triggered by perceived or actual threats to our well-being and survival.

Stress includes all the things our body does to cope with an adverse or unexpected situation. Interestingly, all the changes our body makes to cope with an adverse situation (including arousal, autonomic, and neuroendocrine activation) will be the same whether we are mugged in a New York city back-street alley, or our boss tells us we have to stand up in front of a group and make a presentation and we are terrified of public speaking.

So, one of the best ways we can mitigate the negative effects of stress on our lives is by increasing our awareness as to why we respond to demands from the environment in ways that impede our health, happiness, and performance.

In the beginning there was one cell.

Vulnerability to over-activation of our stress response originates from predisposing factors that are the consequences of our genetic makeup and of the experiences we have had.

The structure, and hence, function of our brain and nervous system is in a constant flow of re-organization based on stimuli from the environment.

 In the moment that a sperm meets an egg two cells called gametes, each containing half the genetic material of each parent, form one cell—a zygote.

The encoded information in the genes we inherited from our parents will be traits that will determine how we are predisposed to respond to things in life, like whether we get agitated in busy, loud places like the mall, or if we feel more anxious than the average person with novelty.

It is, of course, important to note that not all genes we inherit will be expressed, and we now know that genes actually have to become activated. How each cell functions depends on gene activation and expression. This is part of a whole new branch of science called epigenetics.

Additionally, beyond the genes we inherited from our parents, we begin to learn how safe the world is during the time in our mother’s womb by the way our mother returns to baseline after something worries or scares her. Our nervous system follows our mother’s nervous system in utero, establishing a blueprint of how resilient, or able to bounce back to our calm, balanced state we are going to be later on in our life. This will also play a role in how stressed out we will feel later by the ups and downs of life.

Who is to blame for our stress?

As it turns out, our early experiences greatly impact our development, from a biological as well as an emotional development perspective.

However, instead of choosing to blame someone for what took place in the past, we can let go of the past and leverage the ability of our brain to change based on experience, if we want to completely transform our relationship with stress today.

For example, shame forms the core of low self esteem, which is an outcome of not being responded to (or even worse, traumatized) in childhood. On the other hand, shame is based on an inaccurate belief, which is “I am not good enough.”

By redefining the terms of our life, we can identify many obstacles to optimal living regardless of how our nervous system was sculpted in our early development, and we can change the narrative of that story.

What we think, how we feel, how we behave, what matters to us—these are all outcomes of our nervous system’s functioning.

But we can reshape the functioning of our nervous system. “Where attention goes, neural connection grows.” Neurons are the basic cells of our immaculate nervous systems, and when they consume energy they strengthen the circuits of the brain in the areas where we direct our attention and focus.

We have the ability to be a scientist in our own life by paying attention to our mental activity. We can re-wire or induce structural changes of our brain so that it becomes a brain that will work with us and not against us.

You are a scientific marvel and more amazing than you ever realized!

The fact of how incredibly complex you are on the inside may not at first seem like a portal of potential relief from the incredible amount of stress we are living with today.

But the magical part of our brain is that it learns from what we attend to, so if we attend to the positive in our life, our brain constantly re-organizes itself and grows new circuits in brain regions that give us the most positive life experiences.

We have abundant research at our disposal that illuminates the path to building a healthier brain.

I am so excited to research, review, and share with you both the most profound and the most simple ways toward that outcome. You can join my community http://bit.ly/JoinMyndZen so you never miss a practice, a thought, or a tip.

In the meantime, I invite you to make a simple choice today—choose your thoughts wisely!

Overcoming Burnout and Disengagement.

Burnout is a phenomenon resulting from long-term stress that is characterized by exhaustion, cynicism, escalating health issues, and diminished performance.

Burnout and disengagement (a coping mechanism) are a significant threat to our well-being and are costing over $350 billion to US employers.

Most probably, we have all danced with burnout occasionally, but for some of us our burnout story went too far, and not only are we physically and emotionally exhausted all the time, but we are also experiencing:

  • Sleep disturbances
  • Difficulty concentrating
  • Challenges with effective processing of information
  • Unexplained illnesses, (physical and emotional)
  • Irritability and impatience
  • Memory impairment

When we find ourselves in the painful state of burnout, we feel like we are at a dead end with no way out and we cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel. We expect the solution to come from outside sources -our employer to balance the demands and the resources available to meet those demands, or we start looking for another job. Research, however, is showing that it can take a minimum of two years to reverse the negative impact of burnout and return to our healthy, high-performing self, even if we change jobs and go to healthier workplace culture.

So, what can we do that is within our control to neutralize the toxic impact of burnout on our body and mind?

It goes without saying that reinstating balance by practicing basic self-care is critical to avoiding the long-term consequences of burnout. Some examples of self-care are:

  • Eat well. (Add as many fresh whole foods as possible – Avoid anything that sits on a shelf.
  • Avoid consuming large quantities of alcohol and caffeine.
  • Create a nighttime routine that helps you Improve your sleep quality.
  • Get a minimum of 30 minutes a day of physical activity.
  • Develop a plan your day ahead the night before setting realistic expectations of what you want to accomplish..
  • Get comfortable saying no and setting healthy boundaries.
  • Commit to a daily of detaching your mental activity from taxing thoughts and becoming more and more comfortable with your power to reinstate a calm state on demand.
  • Journal for five minutes before you get up in the morning. Choose an intention for the day and identify things you are grateful for.

In addition, I would like to offer you three deeper responses to burnout that really helped me when I was not only struggling with burnout and disengagement, but was also experiencing some significant health complications as a result..

  1. See burnout for what it is. If we peel back all the layers of the phenomena we call burnout and disengagement, right at the core we will find something we are all very familiar with: Fear! In fact, almost all challenges we have to deal with involve a battle between trust/love and fear. Challenge yourself to get to the core of what is truly worth being afraid of or losing sleep over. Are your fears reasonable and about things that are happening now? Or are you letting your work (title, performance review rating, etc.) define your identity and self-worth? Self-worth—the sense of your own value as a person—can only truly come from you and how you navigate life situations.

The practice: Every morning, take a few minutes to observe your thoughts before starting your day. Identify one fear that is holding you back today. Challenge your self to assess if this fear pertains to something that is here now and ask your self- “ is this fear a truth or a story”? You already have all the answers. You just have to be still enough to listen.

  1. Call burnout by name and speak about it openly. When we feel compromised inside the tight grip of burnout, we tend to isolate. We may feel ashamed and compare ourselves to how great we think others are—our neighbor, our colleague, our sister, our friend. We put so much energy into hiding until we get better. Yet, if we look closer, even the most successful people that we admire had to overcome failure and rise like the phoenix from the ashes. Every success story has a victory over the darker aspects of our lives.

The practice: Initiate a discussion about your struggle with burnout with the significant people in your work life—your work friends and your direct supervisor. Speaking openly about burnout can not only urge your organization to do something about it, but can also inspire the other (over 70%) of people who are struggling with disengagement and burnout as well.

  1. Create space to rest and digest in between sprints. When we are struggling with burnout we tend to find ourselves lost in the daze of never shutting down shop. We continue to work, even on evenings and weekends, in the hope that we will catch up and get back on track. Remember, part of the problem of chronic stress is that the most brilliant part of our brain is temporarily off-line. In order to turn our brain back on, we need to create the space to breathe and completely disconnect from the merry-go-round and the rat race.

The practice: Place your electronic devices on airplane mode and do as much as you can to nourish your soul and your body outside of business hours. Take a walk in a near-by park with your loved ones after dinner on weekdays. Let yourself reset by spending ample time in nature over the weekends, letting the sound of waves or the flow of a river wash away stressors you had to deal with during the week.

Throughout the course of our life, we have accepted a story of what will take us to some universal life destinations. Happiness, Success, and Freedom are three human pursuits that are probably on everyone’s list.

However, we seem to forget that we are in charge of determining the path to getting to those destinations.

Our struggle with stress and its cousins, burnout and disengagement, clearly indicates that somewhere along our journey we forgot how much power we have to change the words of our story and determine how it will end.

As much as you may feel hopeless and unable to see the light, remember that we can train our brain to work with us to create a happier and healthier reality. (We have the greatest Neuroscience discovery at our disposal to change our brain to for a happier reality – http://bit.ly/neuroplasticitymyndzen).

All it takes is committing to one small daily practice at a time, which can add up to making a huge difference long-term in our brain’s architecture, our health, and our happiness. And that my friend, is 100% within your control.

What Did You Want to Be When You Grew Up? I Bet It Wasn’t Burned Out!

Do you remember what you originally wanted to be when you grew up?

I wonder how many of us are doing the work that is our purpose at this level of existence?

One thing is certain: Regardless of what it is that we once dreamed of becoming in life, none of us aspired to become:

  • One of the 70% of US employees (or 86% of global employees) that are not “engaged” at work, that is, who are clocking in and out, just getting by, and dreading Mondays.
  • One of the 75% of us that regularly experience symptoms of stress: sleep deprivation, irritability, exhaustion, depression, anxiety, over-medication, or drinking alcohol at the end of the day to relax.
  • One of us who has experienced irreversible body function and/or organ damage as a result of chronic stress.
  • One of us who feel frazzled and burned out.

How did we get here and why are so many of us suffering at work? Considering we spend so much of our life at work, isn’t it time we invest our energy in solving this problem?

Once upon a time – The beginning of our relationship with burnout

When I was a young child, I dreamed of “uncovering what is toxic to humans and discovering the antidote for it.” I wanted to become a writer that told the world stories about “ending pain and suffering.”

But I was told that writing and telling stories were hobbies and that I should choose to become something significant, like a scientist.

I was such a little artist at heart. I loved photography, and I played the piano and sang, but the message was clear—none of those things were good enough for me to be considered a success in the world.

My parents, to this day, are “life of the party” kind of folks, having social gatherings with my dad’s famous guitar and singing performances that last till the early hours of the morning.

My father, however, gave up his passion for music and a record deal to become a good family man and provider.

See, my dad was not Carl Jung! (The father of psychoanalysis and the theory of individuation).

My father, like most of us, did not realize that we tend to stash away the parts of ourselves that are not reflected by the environment, which predisposes our brain to seek external approval in order to be accepted and rewarded.

Seeking external approval to feel “good enough” is the beginning of the problem!

Instead of practicing self-care and having healthy boundaries and true work life balance, we work around the clock, sacrifice our sleep on red eye flights, give up family time to work late, because that is what “professionals on a mission do, right?”

Disengagement and burnout, are a real threat to the health of individuals and organizations.

Contrary to our shame about being among the large percentage of professionals who are disengaged or burned out, research is showing that it is, in fact, the high performers who are more prone to these real threats to productivity and health. In fact, a 2013 Harvard study reflects that 96% of senior leaders report feeling burned out.

Disengagement and burnout are two of the most devastating threats to individual and organizational health. In the US alone, disengagement is costing employers over $350 billion in loss of productivity and absenteeism.

What does burnout look like and how does it relate to disengagement?

Burnout is a collection of symptoms that develop over time when work demands exceed the ability of the individual to meet them while maintaining internal balance.

Disengagement is a state of employees characterized by unhappiness and dissatisfaction at work.

Both disengagement and burnout have been proven to poison and impact every part of a person’s life, above and beyond their work. Along with their cousin, stress, which has the same fundamental origin, they can interchange with each other.

Here is a list of some warnings that you may be on the brink of burnout.

 

  1. You feel emotionally, physically, and spiritually drained.

We all work long hours and feel tired at the end of the day. But there is a difference between the sweet tiredness of a good day’s work and the exhaustion that you can’t seem to shake off.

 

  1. You have a hard time sleeping. (Especially on Sunday nights!)

Sleep is so essential to our health, happiness, and well-being. But when we live two-thirds of our life doing something we don’t feel happy about, a constant dread deprives us of even the most basic of human needs—our need to restore and reset through a good night’s sleep.

 

  1. Your performance is suffering. You have been a consistent top performer, won the MVP, and a myriad of other awards. Yet, suddenly, you feel ineffective, and you are losing your confidence.

 

  1. You are feeling anxious. Far from the heartbeat of excitement, you are starting to feel heart palpitations, dizziness, difficulty concentrating, and an ongoing sense of doom. Anxiety is not the price you have to pay to be a successful professional and can seriously impact your health in the long run.

 

  1. Irritability and anger/hostility. Small bursts of frustration and occasional feelings of anger are common human emotions. But are you finding yourself snapping often at people in your personal and professional life? It could be a sign that your thinking brain is turned off and you are operating from your primitive brain that only knows how to fight to keep you safe!

Take a moment to reflect. Do you suffer from any of the signs and symptoms above?

Now, I want you to think of a different scenario.

Imagine waking up tomorrow morning feeling refreshed, energized, and excited about your workday ahead.

You are living your values, and your work has meaning and purpose.

You feel a great sense of safety and security and are comfortable speaking your mind eloquently and assertively at work.

Your decisions are centered and driven by the mutual value of creating a healthy reality for both your body and the profit margin of your organization.

Your voice is heard and valued by your leaders. Beyond mission statements that focus on the lives your organization serves, your life matters to your employer.

Does this scenario sound like a pipe dream?

If it does, let it be a wake-up call.

It may be time to take some steps today to avoid or overcome burnout.

I will post my favorite Burnout Busters from the Employee Perspective next week.

You can sign up here http://bit.ly/JoinMyndZen to become part of my community and my mission to eliminate burnout and disengagement through improving our relationship with stress.

Until next time, take good care of yourself.

Tzeli